So, I’ve been away for a while. But I’m back. Back to my insomniac self. Cannot sleep, cannot sleep, cannot sleep. Internet is a curse. I have the feeling I’m online 24 hours a day god damn it… And when you cannot sleep there is not much else to do.
Work tomorrow. Cannot believe it. Still crap. Still hanging on to the idea that one day I’ll be there, in the job that I really really want. In Paris. Or London. Or New York. Or anywhere but here. I will not calm down, I will not resign into this realistic world where you stay in your home country, get a job in the state, get a house, a car and a guy, a couple of babies. I will not do it. Ever.
What is normality? What is being realistic? What is being megalomaniac? Is that what I am? I constantly ask myself this. Because I don’t get it. People are constantly telling me to get over this “delire”. That I should calm down and find out what my priorities are. But I already know what my prioritie are god damn it! It’s adventure! I refuse to sleep for the rest of my life…..
So basically I stay awake, afraid to miss anything. Dead all day in my dead boring job. Looking out the window. At four it is dark. It’s winter. Four days to go before the christmas vacation. Maybe I’ll finally start writing those CV’s….