Help me be brave

It’s past eleven here in Paris, and we are soon going to bed.

Just now I felt my heart sink. I have been writing mails to my friends. I miss them a lot. Exile does something to you. I have friends here as well, but all the closest ones are in other parts of Europe.

Writing mails means telling everyone how you are doing, and I’m doing fine. I have a new job.
People tend to be very enthusiastic when I tell them this, glad on my behalf you know. Normal, they are nice people. I love my friends.

Still, I feel my heart sink. I don’t want to be in that office every day. It’s like a prison (alhough I tell you, I have a very cool job). I want to be something else. I want freedom. I want to make things. I want to live.

Office life = death
Office life = sucks all your passion out of you
Office life = kills creativity
Office life = hierarchy
Office life = corporate, capitalist
Office life = tendonitis
Office life = bad air
Office life = head ache

…and it just goes on and on and on.

Most days I’m able to phase out all desire to create. But it so happens that many of my favorite people are accomplished artists. I say that without any jealousy (don’t feel that kind of thing). They remind me of the things I want to do.

Yesterday I told my boyfriend I might rid myself of all desire to ever do music again. He thought that was a very bad idea. I suppose he’s right.

Tomorrow office again. Lord, help me be brave.

Good advice

Hi,

I just read something beautiful and I’d like to share it with you:

“My advice is simple, When possible, turn off the sound. Don’t be overly concerned about being happy. Try to need less, to find work that doesn’t demean you. Read more, talk less. Try to raise your own children without television. When despair sets in, as it will, sit quietly and wait it out in silence.”

– Valerie Martin, writer

Did you hear that? “When despair sets in, as it will, sit quietly and wait it out in silence.”

Best advice I’ve gotten in a long time.

Checking in!

Wish I could say my projects are moving forward, but that would be exaggerating. They are more like in a standstill (as usual). I think I am preparing actually. My salary is better than ever, and I can finally cool down when it comes to economy. That’s a good thing. Writing is slow, but I never stop thinking about it. The biggest project I have I know I will finish, it’s just a matter of time. I’m writing songs as well, and am hoping to record something soon. It’s good to feel like this, like I want to do things, want to work. The only downside is that I’m working a lot, and I’m exhausted all the time. Well, well. I’ll keep struggling till I get there.

Reading now: Blonde by Joyce Carol Oates. Love it!