I have identified myself as a looser for as long as I can remember, but I also think that I’m maintaining this image of myself, and maintaining my position as the person who just “can’t get anywhere or get anything done” by having identified myself as a looser in the first place.
The stories we tell ourselves about ourselves are powerful, and it is difficult to change them once they have been constructed.
I look at myself, a woman of almost forty, and I don’t believe I can change the story. That is most definitely the main reason I’m still stuck in the swamp of self pity and negativity and anxiety that is my life.
It’s a shame.
I don’t know why we spend so much time hurting ourselves, punishing ourselves.
My strategy as of today is to focus as much energy as possible on the beauty of existence.
Music. Literature. Movies. Astronomy. Nature. Good food. Good friends. Planning a trip. Taking the trip. Love. Most of all, I’m trying to focus as much energy as I can on the beautiful miracle that is my child.
Still cannot believe I have been given such a gift from the universe.
(This post was triggered by googling someone from the past, and marveling at their success. So happy for her, but unfortunately it made me feel small. It is a goal to be able to stop this kind of dynamic).