My Struggle (Reading, Reading, Reading)

Can’t get enough of this novel. I read day and night. I have almost finished tome II, and still have four more books to go. Hurrah!

It’s like reading about ones own life. I guess everyone feels like this, and that must be why it has become so immensely popular.

I feel inspired to read, to write (well, mostly to read) to study.

It also makes me anxious, as it cuts right to the bone on every page, in every phrase. Much of what it talks about is stuff I’m trying to forget in my everyday life.

I try to breathe through it, it’s only words. It’s only fiction.

Oh wait, actually it’s not.

Bjørk: Legend/Inspiration/Feminist

I woke up at 4.30 am. Finding it difficult to sleep these days. I’m not sure if it’s the baby kicking or my bladder that’s waking me up. Some nights I wake up every hour to go to the bathroom. This night, I woke up having had a strange dream, and was kept awake by intrusive, negative thoughts about the past and worries about the future. When I couldn’t take it anymore I got out of bed and made myself a sandwich. I started reading the paper, and found my way to this piece about Bjørk’s new album Vulnicura in Pitchfork. It documents a breakup from a longtime partner. This part of the text is an echo of the thoughts I’ve been struggling with over the last months:

As much as this record is about him, it is also about Björk returning to herself. In motherhood, one quite literally becomes a vessel—a role that often continues postpartum. The young family takes precedence, and ambition takes a back seat; a mother can become the net around her loved ones, their needs veiling her own. It is the natural exile of domestic life. And it is a strange and powerful thing to imagine that one of the most singular vocalists in modern music could lose the tether, just like any of us. But here, Björk opens up about coming back to music from such a scene, filling her house and her days with loud songs.

She also touches upon the fact that the press rarely gives her credit for her own work, but rather give it to male colleagues who in reality only do the fraction of the work. A lot of female musicians must be in the same situation. It also warmed my heart to hear her talk about Joni, Chaka Khan and Kate Bush, three musical goddesses who have been important to me in my musical life. Wishing this incredible artist all the best in rebuilding her life from emotional ruin. It’s moving to read something so honest and personal for once. Her story is something many of us can relate to. Thank you for easing my 5 a.m anxieties, Bjørk! It made me write. I wonder if I’ll be able to surmount this overpowering need to erase myself and my creativity while this baby is growing inside me.